I need to work through this and find out why I do this. I would be embarrassed to even say what I ate today, I stopped doing my calories when it got to the point that I didn't want to see it anymore. I need to wake up tomorrow with a renewed sense of who I am and where I'm headed on this mission to a healthier me. I'm going to look at those precious faces of my babies and know that they are the reason I push on when I don't want to anymore. I want to be the mom that plays with them, not the one that watches from the sidelines.
Monday, May 9, 2011
I believe I may have hit bottom.....again. This is such a tough journey full of ups and downs and things that pull you in many directions to distract you. For example, this week my husband is working a different shift. What do I do while he's sleeping. I eat. and eat. and eat. I'm not hungry. I'm actually to the point where I'm full, but I'm bored and no one is watching. It is an awful feeling and I'll be headed to bed in utter disgust with myself.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
I have been hiding in true fat girl mode. Winter time brings cold days of being stuck indoors, dreary weather that brings me down and the "holidays". I found at the end of this, I had gained 10-15lbs and was utterly disappointed in myself. I know better, yet it didn't stop me. I felt tired, yet couldn't sleep. Just plain frumpy! I'm ok with this now, I have to be. This is a life-long change, and it's unrealistic to think I'll never eat or bake another cookie or cake for my children. I mean honestly, if they're going to have sweets it's better that they're homemade and not processed, right?I need to work on portion and doing things in moderation. This isn't an all or nothing change, nor should it be. I'm currently digging myself out of this hole. I wish I could say it's for the last time, but I'm still in my 20s, so I'm sure I'll slip up again in lifetime.
I do have a special friend to thank for helping me shovel out of this. She has been a rock of support and encouragement and sometimes just able to say, "Hey, I get you". She has never made me feel bad for the things I've done, but instead helped me think of better ways of doing things. For her I will forever be grateful.
This week's goal is to make the most out of everyday and to make a priority to be active in one way or another. I also want to work on reason's I love me. I know they are there, now to look for me.